Sorry I can't tell the good trespassers from the bad ones. Maybe next time if the light is better.

I noticed three guys walking suspiciously through the dark toward an empty foreclosed home on my court (I should clarify since many would assume foreclosed means empty, this is not the case as many foreclosures take two years and the owners rent out to people after "losing" the house) so I went outside to see what they were up to. I am able to skulk around unnoticed sometimes, hence my nickname, The Stealthy Ninja. I’m only noticed because I invariably trip over something, fall down or walk into someone, often making a very loud noise. But I was willing to risk it. I did end up walking straight into my husband’s car, tripping on a sprinkler that didn’t go down after the last cycle and doing a full twenty second spider web in my face dance, but I wasn’t seen. I didn’t see the people hop the fence but I saw a light go on in the house so I came back in to call the cops who showed up with guns drawn and sunshine bright flashlights blazing.

I will say that my nickname should ACTUALLY be Gladys Kravitz, but that’s not pretty or cool at all (Yet it’s still way better than my dad’s nickname for me: Veruca. Nice, eh?). I was nosy before my house was broken into but now I am a downright busy body. The feeling of someone walking around my home helping themselves to whatever they wanted with their dirty little thief paws still haunts me and I don’t want anyone else to ever feel like that. Despite my powerful (Hulk Hogan like?) physique, I should mention that I cannot fight and worse, I have no fight or flight instinct. If I encounter any bad activity I stand frozen, hands covering my ears, so charging outside to confront people who don’t think twice about hopping someone else's fence probably wasn’t a wise idea.

My neighbor who is always battling other neighbors but for unknown reasons loves me, called. I went to sit in her car to see if the police were able to find anyone. We stealthily sat there idling in her giant diesel Suburban with extra crew cab cargo um, back (Anyway it’s enormous!) with the lights on. She was singing my praises, so relieved that I’d called the police as she lives next door to the empty house with four beautiful daughters. I swear, each one is prettier than the last, my son is always trying to kick balls over their fence so he can ring the bell to get it back from whichever one answers, hoping it’ll be all four. She sang my praises until we saw who was arrested. As it turned out she had met one of the people before and they were just in there drinking and doing drugs, not raping and pillaging as I’d suspected. This changed her mood a little and she wanted me to promise that if I ever saw anyone climbing a fence again that I’d call her. I swore that I most certainly would, right after I called the police.